2 Oct

I've lost everything trying to like this girl
And I lost her

2 Oct

Last day

29 Sept

Shag

But I did retrieve the pictures

23 Sept

milestones:
- confessed √

- took a picture ×
- bubble tea ×
- ask her out ×
- ask her out without getting rejected ×
- get her to like me (on extreme hard mode)

that's quite little for such a long time hahahahahahahahahahaha shit
less than 2 weeks to graduation and she's still as stunning to me as when I first saw her!
"Beauty is an everlasting trait" -Martin Luther King 2k15
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
don't know how I will live on after O levels without being able to see her ever again
huh, she's moved on literally 3 years ago
I still haven't, I can't, don't think I ever will, at least not anytime soon
Someday I'll look back to today and I'll be reflecting on how I got jealous over the stupidest shits
oh damn
but I guess when you really like(love) somebody
shit happens
Right kaisheng? :p
Aigoooooo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
美女美女
七早八早看到西兰花我也会死掉

16 Sept

hey I wanna spend my study break studying with you

16 Sept

so fucking tired of life and socializing and so stupidly infatuated

6 Sept

Is it because you are catholic?

4 Sept

Reading this... Makes me quite emotional

Here I am grieving over a girl who won't like me back

26 Aug

tbh

what did I expect

I can't get over shit

23 Aug

"You will always be the best and smartest and prettiest person in my eyes"
"I don't want to be that person in your eyes ... save it for someone who likes you back as much"

haish

22 Aug

it's over

Then I opened whatsapp and realised she already unblocked me

21 Aug

有时候觉得很对不起你

有时候觉得有点可悲

原谅我好吗？

21 Aug

She blocked me on whatsapp
:/

21 Aug

I'm sorry for liking you......

20 Aug

GET OFF THE PHONE AND DO SOMETHING YOU FUCKING BITCH IF NOT YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE HER

SHE'S THE MOST IMPORTANT GIRL IN YOUR LIFE

SEE THAT AND DO SOMETHING YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT

15 Aug

.... so in love ....

14 Aug

Actually I want to learn the piano after Os

14 Aug

Hey..., davina

I've been liking you for so long... But I still can't have the courage to go up to you and talk to you..

It kills me to see you talk to so many other guys and I know I'm not good enough for you but I really really really really really love you a lot

I just want to be with you

Remember when I said I wanted to tuck your fringe behind your ears

And when I said I wanted to pull and play with your ponytail

And when I said I wanted to hug you because you were just so cute

I still want to...

Remember when I told you you had cheeks that made faint cute circles when you smiled

Remember when I sent you all the retarded pickup lines just to make you smile

Remember when I called you 美女 and you would tell me that you look in the mirror everyday and you still think you're not pretty?

Every day that I look at your face reminds me that you are the prettiest girl in my life

Have you noticed that nearly every conversation between me and you, is about you? Your dance problems, your trip to Australia, your exam papers

Rarely I remind you of my own

I have rarely felt genuine concern from you

I can only wish for you to ask me once, "Why do you like me?" And I can tell you everything

Have you ever showed me any concern in return?

But it's fine, because you honestly deserve a lot more than unattractive me

It's a price I'm willing to pay, if it means you can confide in me with some of your problems

At least it means I somehow do exist..

Every time you would push me away

You've become so unforgiving... So cold... Sometimes it's almost like you hate my presence

But still I have never been able to convince myself to stop liking you

Can an infatuation last for so long? I'm not sure

But it doesn't matter anyways

Because it doesn't affect anything in any way

I'm still miles away from getting close to your heart

I still remember when I found out you liked him, and he liked you back

And when I overheard you saying bye to him when I was walking together with our clique to 7eleven

And when lam teased you and him about 69 and that stupid stuff

My heart cried to stop

I tried to numb myself with music and games

I stopped putting in effort to socialize
It all didn't matter anymore. As long as I knew less about your relationship

I don't want to know how much you talk to him

I don't want to know if you still like him to this day

I just thought everything sucked

That school and puberty sucked

My grades plummeted

I grew hopeful in sec three

But every single time I found out you were talking to another guy and confiding in him late into the night I thought it was so unfair to me

But then again you aren't obligated to talk to me only

I keep thinking if you actually cared about how I feel at all about you talking to so many other guys...

Sometimes I become so frustrated with myself that I try to make myself focus on other girls instead of you

But every time I think of seeing you in school I convince myself entirely that I love you wholeheartedly
I really do

I want to tell you so badly that in my pitiful secondary school life the only real motivation I've ever had is thinking of coming to school and seeing you smile adorably

But I get hurt sometimes to think that you don't care

Sometimes you tell me to not ever whatsapp you again

I'm genuinely afraid that you mean those things you say

I'm genuinely afraid that one day if you see this post, you will tell me
"yes I don't like you so stop annoying me"

I stay up because my thoughts constantly stray off

Imagining the impossible things that could happen

Dreaming of wanton fantasies in my sleep

Wishing for these to come true

I just need one chance to hold your hand and the courage for it

But it's hard to muster the courage in me

I've become insecure

And scared

And paranoid

I'm just a little bit hurt

I don't dare to do anything anymore

I want to get rid of these feelings so badly

I just want to take care of you

And protect you

I want to be able to look you in the eye and tell you that I really really am in love with you

But I've been so suffocated. What if you just don't like me one bit?

What if after I say anything you will become so turned off?

Will you ignore me?

Please tell me you will never hate me

Please let me hold your hand, just once, and let me tell you how much I really care for you without you avoiding me

Please acknowledge my existence and look me in the eye for once... And smile... You're the most beautiful person in my life......, davina...

10 Aug

Just kidding! She's the best

5 Aug

Remember all these shit???

Fuck this shit!

Fuck all of this shit!

5 Aug

I'm always so dumb to think you would feel anything for me heh
What a fucking joke I am

30 July

My aphrodite

27 July

So adorable!!!

27 July

I know you don't take it seriously but you better don't go on your word 刘美玲！！！

It's 22nd July!

Yay

15 July

Where were you when I need someone the most?

Telling me about study methods.....

You help me do filing and you claim you made a big impact on my life

It just doesn't work that way

14 July

All the happy in my life is just... You

23 June

I was sitting next to you... Doing a crossword... But we were so close even if we didn't talk... Your hair brushed against my face... It was definitely you because I looked down and saw your shoes.. And then the other part....

Everything was so weird in the dream but it felt so.... Happy

But dreamers often lie...

16 June

The most motivation I find to study.... from you....

15 June

Keep dreaming about you again and again

Today I was right beside him and you went up to him and asked him out or something

Looked at you right in the face and you looked at me back for quite a while

And then I walked away immediately...

Sigh

My life is hopeless

11 June

The only reason why I know I can trust you is because you wouldn't want to let other people know that I talk to you

And that's quite sad

Because the only person I can really trust in this school is you

31 May

Why do I have to be in love with the wrong fucking person

Fuck off

17 May

You are heartbroken
...

Cute

11 May

I was happy in this month of April because I tried to forget you.

No blog posts, see?

Happy but I always felt like a vital part of my life was missing.

Happy but I always had this constant feeling of... Lonely.

Happy but Sad.

And now it's even more heart wrenching...

I'm seem childish, don't I?

Just 1 month without thinking about you and I couldn't take it.

11 May

Why would you say sorry for troubling me...

Don't ever say sorry to me because I will be more than excited to do anything to help you

Don't ever say sorry because you have been the only motivation for me to keep going in this stupid world

And I can't tell you anything and it makes me feel so suffocated... And lonely.

Solitude makes me feel relaxed but... Lonely...

3 May

Falling back in love

21 Mar

It's going to be all over.

1 Mar

Everytime I try to forget you I feel like I'm missing a part of my life.

Why is it that after so long, I still feel my heart racing at the thought of you?

25 Feb

So hard to forget something that has been etched in my mind for so long.

11 Feb

No idea what the fuck I was expecting.

So...

That's it.